First Contact: Nothing To Be Afraid Of
Yes! Success!
Or near success. If not a touchdown, then at least a first down, or a base hit, or … pick your own metaphor here. However you choose to characterize it, you’ve snagged a candidate. A catch. A potential prospect. The online profile that you labored over for days, then polished, and re-polished, then reluctantly posted online, has finally borne fruit. Someone read it, looked at your photo, and decided to wink, or nod, or ‘icebreak’ or whatever the term is on your particular dating site.
Or …. You’ve stumbled onto someone you find interesting enough that you’re willing to make the opening move. The dreaded first contact. Now, for the big one. The initial encounter; your introductory email.
It makes little difference whether you’re firing the opening volley, or if you’re responding to someone else who has, you are still about to make your first impression. And one thing, for sure, about first impressions, is you only get one. It’s true. Do the math for yourself. But, don’t panic. Or, go ahead and panic, if you work better under stress. But know this; you can write a compelling first email, even if you’re one of those who believes they can’t write. Really. You can.
Take A Minute To Clear Your Head.
First, don’t respond immediately. Take a little time. Almost nobody expects to get a response from a total stranger in an hour or two. If you’re responding to an opening message, you have a day or two to think about it. Let your thoughts and ideas bounce around in your head for a little while before you actually sit down at the keyboard.
If you’re the one making first contact in response to a profile you’ve seen, then you have even longer, but not a lot. Keep in mind that everyone else has had an opportunity to see the same profile you did, and if he or she seems special to you, odds are someone else will think so too. Especially if it’s a new member. They tend to get a lot of scrutiny when they first post a profile.
Think of your opening email as a sales letter, only be careful not to let it read like one. You’re essentially making the sales pitch that you, not all the others making contact, are the one who deserves the first response.
On the one hand, you want your message to be polished and intelligent. No one wants to sound like an idiot. On the other hand, you don’t want to come off as cold, or impersonal. Don’t send an email list of facts and figures about yourself. You’ll end up sounding colorless and tedious. Likewise, you shouldn’t send a list of questions about the recipient that could give the feeling they’re in a job interview. You want to ask enough to show that you’re interested, and share enough to reveal that you’re interesting.
So, This Guy Walks Into A Bar With A Banana In His Ear.
Humor is always a great icebreaker and, used well, will show you to be fun and intriguing. The example above is, perhaps, not a good one, but have a sense of humor about yourself, about life, and about your online search for companionship. Share a couple of facts about yourself, and the values you feel are most important for a new friend to know, but don’t use this opportunity to declare that anyone who drives a car instead of riding a bicycle will burn in hell. True or not, you should save that one, at least, until email number two. In this message, be fun and be interesting.
You might best accomplish this by showing your slightly off-center side, without being totally weird. Most people find themselves attracted to ‘quirky’ but run away fast if they smell ‘crazy.’ Most of us aren’t looking for ordinary, we’re looking for unusual, even exceptional. That’s why so many of us are still looking.
If you can find a way to reveal the unusual and exceptional in yourself, in a brief email message, you will get a response. Decide what is quirky, surprising, or extraordinary about you before you write your message. You might even make a short list before you begin. Then, see if those qualities come through in your finished email. If not, start over.
You need to make your recipient feel that you’re interested, but without seeming desperate. To use the job interview analogy again, you want to express your interest while also demonstrating that you bring more to the partnership than mere need. The difference, of course, is that this situation is much more personal, so try not to sound as if you are applying for a position in a bank.
Remember, They’re Looking Too.
It’s a fine line to walk, no mistake about it. But if you look at yourself honestly, cherry-pick your most appealing qualities, and communicate those in a fun, interesting, and maybe ‘quirky’ way, you will most certainly attract attention. You have to keep in mind that the recipient of your message is looking for someone too, so you’re starting out with a receptive audience. You just have to make the most of this opening round.
So, summon up a little faith in yourself. Suck up any self-doubt, and be daring. Good, bad, or inconsequential – take your best shot. Anyone should consider it a compliment that you chose to make contact, or to respond to theirs. After all, you’re exceptional. Right?
Now, you just have to get them to see that. How hard can that be?
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