Men: Online Dating Mistakes to Avoid
Okay. Here You Are.
Searching for your lady fair, across the cyber-plains of the online dating world. (Wow, that doesn’t look nearly as poetic on the screen as it sounded in my head.) But, just as in the “real” world of dating, there are some things that men do that just seem to tick women off. We’re going to try to help you avoid those things. And before you decide to track me down and beat me up, you should know that there is an article, just like this one, for the women.
First, regardless of what they say about sensitivity, women really do want a strong, confident man. The problem some men have, is recognizing the difference between strong and confident, and arrogant and overbearing. (The second two are bad.) Women like a man who knows who he is, what he wants, and how to go after it. They’re not, however, interested in having someone to make their decisions for them. They won’t be bullied or controlled. Not for long, anyway.
In an online relationship, where your conversations are mostly read from a computer screen, some things that might sound clever, or even funny, in another setting, could come off as sarcastic or rude. Let your personality and your sense of humor shine, but be careful not to sound acerbic or uncaring.
While she may secretly wonder about your physical attributes, if you tell her, she will be repulsed. In most online dating forums, offering an evaluation of your physical “manliness” would be, at best, looked on as vulgar. For a woman, the term sleazebag would almost certainly come to mind. Besides, you might not be as impressive as you think, and wouldn’t it be embarrassing to learn that at an inopportune moment, after your relationship has progressed? That is, if she decided to overlook your crass behavior in the first place.
So, Let’s Talk Ta Ta’s
The same can be said for inquiries regarding size, when it comes to her physical attributes. Women are as vain as any human being, and they appreciate being admired for their physical attractiveness, but asking her in an email if she has a great rack is not likely to score you many points. In fact, a discussion of sizes of anything is probably better left for a time when you know each other much better. Early on, if you want her to know that you’re tall, that’s probably okay. As long as it’s true.
If you’re a brain surgeon, it’s perfectly reasonable to include that in your profile, and to tell her that in online meetings. If you sell cars, that too is an altogether respectable occupation. If you sell cars, and you tell her that you’re a brain surgeon, guess what – you’ve screwed up again. You have nothing to gain, and everything to lose, by misrepresenting yourself in an online relationship.
If You’re Looking For a One Night Stand
You’re going to way too much trouble. It’s easier to find in a bar. Even so, there are plenty of sites that cater to those needs, like SexyAds and Adult Friendfinder. But if you’re looking for a serious and lasting relationship, you won’t get there by lying about who you are. Someday, she’ll want to sit in the spectator’s gallery and watch you fix someone’s brain, and you probably won’t get out of that one by offering her a good deal on a Toyota.
Don’t approach an online dating site like you’re sitting at an online blackjack table. This is not a competition. Theoretically, you’re looking for someone to have a significant relationship with. If she feels like you’re bound and determined to “take her home” no matter what, she’s likely to find you a little bit creepy. Maybe even scary.
Keep it light, friendly, and don’t ask for too much personal information too early on. A woman will take a little longer to reach the comfort level necessary to start handing out maps to her house. Be interested, and conversational, and give her the lead in controlling the pace of the personal exchange.
And again, contrary to some conventional wisdom, women DO like to be treated like the fairer sex. They don’t want to be patronized or condescended to, but they like to be treated with courtesy and respect. While you may not be able to hold the door open for her in an online meeting, you can avoid treating her like one of the guys from work that you drink a few beers with.
Show an Interest in What She Has to Say.
Be responsive and communicative. That particular cliché is true. Women HATE it when they think you’re not listening. So respond, even when her statement didn’t seem to require a response.
Since you’ve probably seen her online photo, say something complimentary about her hair, or her eyes, or her smile. Everyone enjoys being flattered, and no one enjoys it more than a woman. But again, a caution here about coming off as lewd or boorish. They may want you to notice some things, but it creeps them out if you talk about them.
Finally, Be Realistic About Who You Are.
And who you should be looking for. If you’re fat, bald, and fifty, there are plenty of online dating sites where you’ll find someone who will consider those particular traits endearing, and who will love you for who you are.
But if you charge into a dating forum filled with beautiful twenty year-old women, you’ll only alarm the girls and embarrass yourself. Unless maybe you’re a brain surgeon.
Now you’re ready. Take the leap and Go For It!
