Women: Now, It’s Your Turn!
We gave it to the men pretty hard in our article about online dating blunders. But women are no less prone to mistakes than men, when it comes to dating, online or off. Online dating, however, presents its own list of do’s and don’ts, some of which are not shared by real-world dating. And before you get offended by this article, take a look at the one, just like it, for men.
Know When To Put a Sock In It.
Men tend to be put off by a woman who just doesn’t know when to shut up. This is particularly true when the discussion is taking place via email or chat. Don’t offer your life story in response to a simple question. Remember, he has to READ your answer. Don’t give details that he hasn’t asked for. If he asks what you do for a living, he really doesn’t care how much you hate your boss. When he asked if you’ve been married, he didn’t intend to get all the gory details of your divorce. It was pretty much a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question.
Keep it short, friendly, and to the point. Then, after you’ve answered his question, ask him one. It makes him think that you also care about him and his personal story. That way, it feels more like a conversation than a visit to your therapist. Your therapist WANTS you to talk for fifty minutes. Your date doesn’t.
Honesty Is, At Least, One of the Top Two or Three Best Policies
Be truthful. Sooner or later, and it’s usually sooner, a lie will come back to bite you on the butt. And it will hurt, especially if you’ve found that you’re really starting to like this guy. Even little “white” lies about your age, or weight, or your glass eye can end a promising relationship before it even has a chance to get started. Plus, telling the truth has the added bonus of not having to remember what you’ve said. Someone out there will appreciate you, and love you, for who you are. If they don’t, then they don’t deserve you. Be honest.
Men Get Really Freaked Out by Desperate Women.
Try not to appear eager. You may have noticed that men have male-type egos. They are the hunters and conquerors. If you’re too willing to be conquered, they lose interest. Don’t play hard-to-get. Don’t be coy. Be interested, and interesting, and leave the rest to nature. If you email or IM too often, he’ll get spooked.
And, for heaven’s sake, don’t complain that he doesn’t email you often enough, or that he takes too long to respond to your messages, unless he’s just an ass and lets it go for days at a time. We all have lives outside online dating. Professional, family, and social lives. You do, and he does. Allow a reasonable period for him to contact you or respond to your contact. What “reasonable” is can only be determined by where your particular relationship is at the time.
Prince Charming Has Left the Building
One of the sad truths in life is that you are not going to find “Mr. Perfect.” He’s not out there. So don’t hold out for him. The world is fresh out of princes, and what you have to do is make your best choice from all the frogs that remain. When you come to accept this, you’ll find that there are really some quite nice, kind, funny and lovable frogs out there who would love to be your mate. So pick one, and get on with your life.
This doesn’t mean that you have to settle for a snake. And it doesn’t mean that you have to let go of the notion of “romance” in your life. It just means that you should also have a nodding acquaintance with reality.
Don’t Hide On a Busload of Miss Americas
It also works the other way around. If you’re not “Miss Perfect,” and who is, then you should be looking for your frog in the appropriate places. If you’re attractive, forty-five, and a little overweight, but you decide to jump into a pool of twenty-somethings who all look like Salma Hayek, your frog is probably going to overlook you. Let’s face it, we’re all just a bit superficial, and a pool full of Salma Hayeks could prove a little distracting. But, you gotta admit, that would be some pool.
Anyway, choose dating sites that fit well with who you are, and who you’re looking to meet. Online dating is not the cyber wasteland, of its early reputation, populated by perverts, predators, and would-be stalkers. I’m not sure it was EVER that bad, but today online dating is exploding into the world’s most popular venue for searching out and meeting your soul mate.
So Jump In! Be a Part of the Explosion.
Write a good profile, submit a good photograph, and start looking for your “Mr. Perfect.” Only remember, he could turn out to be a frog. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Now polish up your ‘frog gig’ and wade in. It’s time to Go For It!
